My "health"...

I've been lying to everybody big time.

For the past few months I've been really ill.

Somehow, and god* only knows how (* = I use the term god in the loosest possible way as an atheist. lol) I've managed to hide it from everybody.

But when I took Thomas to Barcelona back in April I went disco dancing in a packed restaurant and when I came too I was confronted with a mad Czech woman in my face who helped me a lot before the paramedics got there.

I had another a couple of weeks later at the end of April and another at the beginning of the of this month. That was a very mild one by my standards but enough to put most people on their arses for a week or two but somehow I ended up in work 10 hours later as if nothing had happened.

On the 13th of this month I saw my consultant clinical neurophysiologist Dr Hamid Modarres.

My ten minute appointment turned into one of our usual hour or so long chats about everything, and I opened up to him exactly what’s been going on and how I can't keep going on like this anymore.

I admitted to the crippling migraines that enough morphine to placate a heroine addict wasn't touching, the insomnia that would last for days, sometimes weeks. The record being eighteen days I think it was. The hallucinations and déjà vu. Dizzy spells and general difficulty in concentration. All of this whilst sometimes working the hours that I do.

There was one thing that made me do all of this.

One simple thing.

After the fit in Barcelona, after the paramedics had checked me out and said I was well enough (that and I point blank refused to go to hospital!) me and Thomas went to a Starbucks a few hundred meters down the Avinguda Diagonal and grabbed a coffee and a frap.

He just jumped into my arms and burst into tears.

It's even making me tearful writing this.

I can't continue the bullshit and the lies anymore. If I am ill then I am ill. I can't keep working 45, 50, 60 hour weeks to placate the company and please everyone.

Thomas comes first in my life.

I come second.

My Dad comes third.

My friends come next.



Oh on a lighter* note... When I saw the G.P. earlier to sort out the cock up with my repeat prescription due to the new receptionist... I asked Dr. Nam if I could pinch his scales and weigh myself...

I weigh 120KG.

Now in English that's 18St 8Lb.

Drop a couple of pounds for all my clothes and all my bits and bobs and for the first time since I was 18 I guess I'm under 18 and a half stone. Considering at my heaviest I was 26 stone.

* = No pun intended.


Take care,

Love and hugs.

Jay.
xxx

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Can honestly say I've never been back there since... Wouldn't wanna spoil the memory. :)

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

Jesus...

I could be here for months!!!

You know this is *our* song

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

This reminds me of someone...

x

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Simple really...

Reminds me of the good old days :)

Day 02 - Your least favourite song

Yeah I realise I've slacked...

So here's a catch up to bring me back on track...

Day 02 - Your least favourite song

Wow... i could be here forever...

not exactly my worse song but darren styles is a sell out cunt so any of his songs will do....

Day one... Favorite song.

I don't thing I can ever tire of this...

30 songs in 30 days...

Anyway, on with the fun! 30 songs in 30 days. Thanks to Leah for this.


Post a song a day for the next 30 days based on this criteria.


Day 01 - Your favourite song

Day 02 - Your least favourite song

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 - A song from your favourite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favourite album

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - A song that you are obsessed with

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favourite song at this time last year

I will be posting my first song this evening.

New year... New...?

Well as you know... I don't do new years resolutions as I've normally broken them by this time already.

What I will say is that although I did consume a fair amount of booze over the festive period, I know what was said to a lot of people and I meant everything that was said. certain comments included.

And I have to say thankyou, Ladies, my head was a bit of a mess and you've helped me a lot. it helped for me to talk for once, I know that that makes a change. x

I'm going to keep this short and sweet, so I'll wish everyone a very happy and prosperous 2011 and here's to a very good 12 months ahead.

JD.

x